Monthly Archives: June 2017

Loneliness – no longer a silent epidemic

Loneliness has crept up on us as a silent epidemic and is now regarded as a public health issue affecting our wellbeing and shortening our lives.

Traditionally, we think of loneliness affecting only the elderly or the sick.  Today it is indiscriminate and affects the young, the old, the single, the married, the working, and the retired.  Apparently, we are all increasingly susceptible.

So why are we so lonely?

Loneliness is a feeling of social and emotional disconnection. It is not a direct consequence of being alone. We can feel lonely in a crowd.  It is true that the rise of virtual online relationships, our culture of independence, our frenetic busyness and our increasingly mobile workforce can make us feel more disconnected. But social isolation is not the same as loneliness.

We are often afraid to admit our loneliness because we believe we will be judged as unlovable and unlovely .

How does this cycle of loneliness work?

When we are lonely, we tend to perceive things more negatively and more pessimistically. We make more judgements and more assumptions. These assumptions are often along the lines of everyone else being happier, busier, more popular, more loved, and more sociable than we can ever hope to be.

We become more and more defensive and withdraw rather than engage. Our internal story tells us that ‘everyone else is happy and connected and no one wants to bother with me.’ The story goes round and round in our heads and we end up sabotaging any opportunity for connection by pushing people away.

So what can we do about our loneliness?

We can start by making a connection with ourselves. Notice first how defensiveness feels in your body, notice where it sits, and how it drives you. Name it, describe it and breathe into it. Expand the space around it. Befriend it, it’s ok, it’s yours.

Notice any change when you engage with someone in a shop, or whilst walking the dog. Look for the feeling of opening up and warming up a little. It’s often the smallest incidents that give us the first feelings of change.

Get to know the story in your head. Notice how it drives you further away from others. Notice your negative assumptions. Then by contrast, notice what giving people the benefit of the doubt feels like.

In her book Daring Greatly, Brene Brown suggests that when we allow ourselves to be seen, when we share our vulnerabilities, we connect with others. In turn, they feel able to be themselves and connect with us. Her definition of connection is ‘ the energy that exists between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued; when they can give and receive without judgment; and when they derive sustenance and strength from the relationship.’
So let’s start by connecting with ourselves. By seeing ourselves, hearing ourselves and valuing ourselves without judgment.  Remember that there are thousands of people experiencing this same feeling at this very moment, you are not alone. Then reach out, from the strength you’ve derived, one small step at a time, to connect with others – chances are, they’ll be hugely grateful.

By: Lisa Stevenson

Tel: 07873 871059 (mobile)

email:  lisa@vitalconnections.co.uk

website:  http://www.vitalconnections.co.uk

Stop Smoking with Hypnotherapy

Julie Saunders

You may have decided you have been self harming and poisoning your body long enough and you don’t want the news you have lung disease, your arteries are becoming blocked, you are losing your teeth and you may not live long enough to see your children get married, or your grandchildren growing up. Perhaps this sounds a little harsh but, sadly, it’s often a reality.

As an ex-smoker myself, I am passionate about helping others quit. The positive news is that hypnotherapy can stop you smoking!

How does it work?

It changes your perception of why you smoke and the benefits of giving up.

How many sessions will I need?

Many people only need one session.  This depends on whether it is purely a habit or if there are underlying causes behind why you smoke, eg some people use it as a crutch, or to fill an empty or sad feeling.

I’m apprehensive about hypnotherapy and being put to sleep. Will I be in control?

Hypnotherapy gives you a heightened form of awareness, some people remember everything, some people feel they have been asleep. I am a clinical hypnotherapist and you are in control at all times.

We all have a conscious mind and a subconscious mind . Think about driving a car ,when we are learning to drive we have to think about every maneuver, but once it is in our subconscious we hardly think about changing gear or steering . The same with smoking. It is a habit, and you probably only remember the first puff and the last.

How much will it cost?

Nothing in a sense! This is because it will save you money in the long run. Think about how much you spend a month on cigarettes, deduct it from my fees of £180 and in a few months you can spend the saved cash on a new wardrobe or a holiday. There is no cost you can put on your health!

If you feel this is the time for you to take control & not let smoking control you, then please contact me on:

07873 447203 or
jules.saunders@gmail.com

By: Julie Saunders
June 2017

Julie is a clinical hypnotherapist and works at our Newbury clinic, offering evening appointments.